Very Bad Puns!
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in
love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception
was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first
replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll
serve you, but don't start anything."
4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we
don't serve food in here."
6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of
Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?" Doc says "It's Not
Unusual."
10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said
Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's
have a look at him." So he
picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally,
he says, "I'm going to have to put him
down." "What? Because
he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that
he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the
steaks are
too high."
15 . I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
16 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17 . Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender
here?"
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